sexual superpowers: the whole hole

This is basically my essay I had to put together to keep all my thoughts on third-wave Stripping=power ideology. I'm basing a lot of my book on this theory; it's a starter-thought-process though. Don't hate me too hard if it has its imperfections.


Sexual superpowers

It’s good to have a message. Where would we be without some sort of meaning dictating our direction? But unless we have our agendas spilled out on our tshirts or make our opinions louder than self conscious whispering, realistically, no one will “get it”. I’d love to think I lived in an area where I can wear what I want to wear without worrying about consequences. How is it that I’m flooded with reprocussions for a skirt?

Yet somehow it happens. Walking down my street just a block away from my house, I can get verbally “fucked” by a faceless car of boys. Hell, I could walk down the street in my boyfriend’s pajamas and still get unwanted attention; girls, let’s be honest with ourselves: we are women, and we will always be noticed for it.

I want to say, ‘girls, fuck them, let’s walk out in our keds and bras and who cares about the rest’. But right now, there’s no way that could happen. The moment we step outside our doors, we’re in the same world that values the selling of bodies. We’re in a world that sells lingerie to us, through our boyfriends. We’re in a world where you can be raped, because one individual took it upon himself to change your life for a few seconds of thrusting and coming. This isn’t safe, and no one should lie to herself about it; this, however, doesn’t mean we are going to lock our doors and build a bombshelter. It means we need to go out and change things--not even for us entirely, but for whatever hell the girls we may raise will live in. But to do so, we need to watch out steps; past fumbles in the way of feminism have left mines for us everywhere, and if we want to get out into the real battlefield, we have to pass across these rough spots.

Women’s suffrage had it right; this is where the boulder was dropped into the water. The second wave had its contradictions (to gain the same rights of men in the workplace--we must emulate them?) but the rippling effect had begun regardless. Then the thirdwave started with the hopes of opening gates in the bedroom for freedom; we wanted reproductive rights--our reproductive rights, to be recognized as so. We wanted dirty, old Uncle Sam to unlock some of those drawers in the bedroom, and we wanted to see what new toys were hiding in there. And somehow, this resulted in a hissy fit between the girls.

Do you like sex, or don’t you? If you like sex, fine; but it has to be with another woman for the act to be “feminist” and “right”. You cannot have equality in the bedroom, not with a man hovering over your body.

No!

I like sex, and I like men. What’s more, I want sex with men. And you know what? Now you’ve done it, I can have sex with whoever I want. Everyone, if I want. I’ll show you.

What the hell happened? Because no offense ladies, I don’t give a damn either way. The third-wave mothers, in their feud, accidently set us into a world through a black-and-white lens. You cannot be “pro sex” or “anti sex”, unless you really have never desired an orgasm, or if you really do plan on being lonely for a long time. Even if you make the decision not to partake in it yourself, truly you must grasp the fact other people will. To like sex is natural; where would we be without some people before us getting it on? To like sex with someone you’re attracted to is just as natural; and if you are attracted to numerous people, and you’d like to take it that far with all (willing) parties, so be it. If you, for any reason, aren’t comfortable with sex, and you can only roll your eyes at that co-worker who comes in late everyday with the same rumbled shirt you swear she donned the day before, no one will stop you. Maybe it doesn’t fit your code of ethics to sleep with a man who you met in the same day. Neither party is wrong; and neither party is right either.

It’s my personal opinion that you can’t be the same feminist you were on the street in the bedroom. [As Ludacris so adequately puts it, “We want a lady on the street but a freak in the bed.”] Safety and comfort are as far as the F-word should get you; because it’s in bed people take on that side you’d never want to run into on the street.

The same man that will put on his suit every morning and make that sluggish commute to his high paying, high-rise office job, he could be into some kinky shit. He could sit in a room with Harvard-taught women, and he could scoff to his drinking buddies at the strip club later; but this same man could take joy in a sexy blonde tying him down to his bed and having her way with him. You could meet a complete sexist on the street yelling every obscenity to you to take off your jacket and blouse, and he could get turned on by pleasuring a girl with oral later that night.

The point is, everyone is a contradiction when it comes to their libidos. A feminist can want to see her (male) lover orgasm from a blowjob by night, then come daylight she’ll donn her “feminist face” and take off the makeup and march to the front lines. Feminism is a political movement, and our goal should be to provide equality in all ways possible, not worrying over our experienced sisters in bed with men.

A nameless friend of mine calls herself a feminist every chance she gets; if you take the bait and ask, ‘why, darling?’ she’ll go on a lengthy rant about her completely submissive boyfriend eating her out at the drop of a hat, with nothing done back on her part. Because having a man on his knees, with no hope of gaining the love and attention back, is feminist to her. I think it was about two weeks ago we stopped talking.

Feminist isn’t getting “back” at the boys, that’s sexism. Ask ten men on the street what they think of feminists, and I can guarantee the term ‘man hater’ will come up at some point. Some “feminazi”, I believe the term is, scared the boys away from equality and now we’re back at war. And we were making such good progress, too.

On the flip side of this equation, pornography is probably one of the worst things to happen to feminism dating back to the Roman empire. Some feminists have declared pornography to be stimulating for all, and if you’re against it, you’re just our stiff mothers’ favorite daughter. Most “pro porn” feminists in fact turn very defensive on the topic, and seem to fight especially hard in proving themselves to be “hip” and “sexy” by an unseen code. It seems almost as though they are in fact trying to varify that by telling men they can masturbate to porn too, they should be seen as one of the boys. This seems awfully familiar (second wave women dressing like lineback men to land high paying positions?). Pro-porn feminists seem to want desperately to be seen as ‘sexy’ by the guys. And to be just one of the guys. Second wavers took a similar approach: to be equal to men, we must become the men. Take on their characteristics, go to their clubs, play their golf; women, in their struggle to gain equality, have jumped ship and are swimming away to sirens promising sex equals power. And some crazed captain hasn’t helped much, by preaching sex cannot be a priority in a strong woman’s life; that to be feminist, sex cannot happen the way your kinkiest, dirtiest desires may unfold.

Now, if one more feminist tries to stampede her views on female empowerment through mass/serial fucking sprees... I’ll cut her dick off myself. Using your body as almost, say, a weapon-- is that feminist? Although one is certainly free to express herself sexually without, theoretically, any if’s and’s or buts’, do you think equality can come from stripping? If Donald Trump landed his millions from late night meetings in hotel rooms with board executives, I sure as hell don’t want to picture it. Ladies, how is using your body for power feminism?

A girl, just like a male, should feel free sexually. She shouldn’t need to feel bound down by society as she practices what she wishes, in a safe and controlled atmosphere. That would be wonderful. To practice this, the girl should first have respect, and know she won’t be taken advantage of, just because she wants to find a person to engage sexually with. That didn’t happen.

There are some people who ran ahead and, toting feminism as one of their accessories, tried out the ‘I’m a sexually liberated female on the loose” approach without getting any real message across. Take the Suicide Girls empire, for example. In their introductory page, they get it right out in the open: they are the alternative to porn; all are strong, intelligent young women with sexuality in full bloom, and they want you to know it. And they don’t mind making a few bucks out of it, either.

Fine, if that’s your message, go for it. “Girl fucking power” or whatever. However, if you are going to put pornographic images onto the web, be ready for some misinterpretations. In one case, fuckinglesbo.com, is just such a site. The journal page takes pictures of girl-on-girl action from various addresses all over the internet and puts their own spin on the images. Nowhere in the midst of naked bodies do you see any sign of female empowerment. You see two or more women wrapped in each other’s tattooed bodies, licking, biting, and kissing for your entertainment; you never forget that, they watch you as you watch them.

But if all this is taking too long, and your attention is wearing thin, let me make this quick for you. This isn’t a shortcut solution in anyway, however.

Women should be allowed to wear what they want, and do what they want in the privacy of their own bedrooms. To parade our sexuality in front of the masses has only ended so far in chaos and mixed messages; it could be we haven’t found the correct approach, or it could be this is a message a lot of people just can’t seem to “get”. Feminism is really a fundmental idea, but is by no means easy. It can’t be described by women willing to take off their clothes for their idea of “power”. Yes, you’ve got the attention of whoever you may be arousing, but that doesn’t necessarily last much longer after he may come. And although emulating men to gain their power isn’t the correct way to address the issue, using sex against the one we’re having it with isn’t a fair game either. That will just land the rest of us, sexually active or not, into deep water we’re not ready for.

© 2007 Lucia Doyle